here we go again

Today my husband lost his job again. God still has a plan for us. I wanted to cry, to ask why, to demand God give me an answer. We were once again just beginning to recover from the long unemployment or "under" employment we endured beginning in 2008. I don't believe God faults us for asking questions in our trials, when we ask them with the right attitude. I have begun to "talk to myself now". I've realized my submission to Almighty God. He doesn't have to give me a reason for the suffering in my life. He can and will do as He chooses. BUT, He LOVES me. He chose to send His Son to suffer in my place. A little financial trouble is nothing compared to death on a cross. God will provide. I don't know when or where but I am confident He is leading and guiding us to His perfect plan for our lives. God is always good.

a "complaint" list

I am a "list" person. I like to make "to-do" lists, grocery lists, prayer lists but what about a "complaint" list. It sounds somewhat unspiritual. My mom, though, encouraged me to do just that. She said sit down and list your top worries or complaints (or, if you want to sound spiritual "prayer requests") and then present them to God. In truth, they were more worries or complaints, I was concerned trying to handle them myself not trusting in God's capable hands.

So, like a good little girl :), I followed my mom's advice. I listed four things.
1. Our finances (Several job changes and a less than booming economy have left us struggling.)
2. My pregnancy (I had just found out (SURPRISE!) that we were expecting again and like any expectant mom worried that something could go wrong.)
3. Our dog (We would like to have our dog, Carolina, live with us; but currently our apartment doesn't allow it. So she stays at Grammy's house and we have to drive over 3 times a day and take care of her.)
4. Baseball ( I admit it, I'm addicted to baseball - from t-ball to MLB! Because our current job situation requires that I work evenings, I would miss the kids coming fall seasons and it's my youngest's first!)

So I closed the door to my room and had a conversation with my God. I just told Him I was tired trying to handle this on my own and needed His intervention. And, do you know, He took over! All I had to do was let go and He was there provide His answer. No, I'm not rich and famous, but He orchestrated a series of events that are providing me with a job (working mornings, taking my kids with me, still homeschooling) that allows me to assist with BASEBALL! Our checkbook is not magically loaded but, as with the widow's oil & meal, enough is there for today and He will continue to provide. The dog is still not here but we're managing and it seems strangely a lot less important. Oh, and I'm still pregnant, God's got that under control, too.

As the old spiritual says,

Gonna lay down my burdens,

Down by the riverside,

Down by the riverside,

Down by the riverside,

Gonna lay down my burdens,

Down by the riverside,

Study war [worry], no more.

We pray and pray and pray and pray, then worry that we haven't prayed enough, when sometimes we just need to lay it down and just let God take over.

Come unto me, all who labor and are heavy laden,

And Iwill give you rest.

Matthew 11:28(ESV)

A journey . . . .

As I sit here typing this, it is 1:17am on Monday morning after Mother's Day. I'm doing things mothers do, laundry, etc. after returning from a weekend away to see my mother. This Mother's Day, I was amazed by God's goodness yet again.
In 2005, I went to see my mother, to show support and love. She had just been diagnosed with breast cancer. My brother and I (at her request) sang "Lord, I Need You" in church that morning. Of course, we were crying during that song. We could not at that time imagine how we, as a family, would deal with Mom's cancer. Mom was perfectly calm (at least to us); trusting that God had it under control. Since 2005, Mom has received treatments and is in remission from the cancer. God knew, however, that we needed His power and strength in our lives to live through the next five years. Just the March prior, I had experienced a miscarriage. Since then, I have lost or had to quit two jobs. My husband has lost two jobs. It has not all been bad. We've also celebrated two weddings (my sister and just Saturday, my brother), the birth of my son and my sister is now expecting. The song says " I need You when the sea of life is calm" and "I need You when the wind is blowing strong." We need to rely on Him at all times.
This Mother's Day (2010) I played in my parents' church " How Can I Fear".

"How can I fear, Jesus is near.

He ever watches over me.

Worries all cease, He gives me peace.

How can I fear, with Jesus"

(Ron Hamilton)

As I finished the song it dawned on me; I don't have to fear whatever the trial or joy that comes. I can rest in His care, knowing that He is there watching all the time. It is exciting to see God working in your life. It is even more exciting when you can look back on a span of time and see His hand working all along. God is good. How can I fear?

still counting it joy. . . . .

I started to begin this entry by saying this has been a rough year, but then I thought it through. Last March I posted a quote from "My God is Near" (Mac Lynch)

When God is near, all the world seems far away.

When God is near, every fear is set aside.

When God is near, how can I stray? How can I falter?

I'll stay upon the altar. I know my God is near.

I resolved to stay on the altar and learn God's lesson for me. I can honestly say that if I had this past year as a "do-over", I'd still go through the trials God planned for me. I have personally grown so much closer to God. When you are close to God, nothing else matters and it's relatively easy to "count it all joy".

Over the last month, God has provided us with an apartment and a new job for Dave. There are many opportunities still available for God to provide for us but I'm trusting Him to provide and to supply the joy for the journey.