here we go again

Today my husband lost his job again. God still has a plan for us. I wanted to cry, to ask why, to demand God give me an answer. We were once again just beginning to recover from the long unemployment or "under" employment we endured beginning in 2008. I don't believe God faults us for asking questions in our trials, when we ask them with the right attitude. I have begun to "talk to myself now". I've realized my submission to Almighty God. He doesn't have to give me a reason for the suffering in my life. He can and will do as He chooses. BUT, He LOVES me. He chose to send His Son to suffer in my place. A little financial trouble is nothing compared to death on a cross. God will provide. I don't know when or where but I am confident He is leading and guiding us to His perfect plan for our lives. God is always good.

a "complaint" list

I am a "list" person. I like to make "to-do" lists, grocery lists, prayer lists but what about a "complaint" list. It sounds somewhat unspiritual. My mom, though, encouraged me to do just that. She said sit down and list your top worries or complaints (or, if you want to sound spiritual "prayer requests") and then present them to God. In truth, they were more worries or complaints, I was concerned trying to handle them myself not trusting in God's capable hands.

So, like a good little girl :), I followed my mom's advice. I listed four things.
1. Our finances (Several job changes and a less than booming economy have left us struggling.)
2. My pregnancy (I had just found out (SURPRISE!) that we were expecting again and like any expectant mom worried that something could go wrong.)
3. Our dog (We would like to have our dog, Carolina, live with us; but currently our apartment doesn't allow it. So she stays at Grammy's house and we have to drive over 3 times a day and take care of her.)
4. Baseball ( I admit it, I'm addicted to baseball - from t-ball to MLB! Because our current job situation requires that I work evenings, I would miss the kids coming fall seasons and it's my youngest's first!)

So I closed the door to my room and had a conversation with my God. I just told Him I was tired trying to handle this on my own and needed His intervention. And, do you know, He took over! All I had to do was let go and He was there provide His answer. No, I'm not rich and famous, but He orchestrated a series of events that are providing me with a job (working mornings, taking my kids with me, still homeschooling) that allows me to assist with BASEBALL! Our checkbook is not magically loaded but, as with the widow's oil & meal, enough is there for today and He will continue to provide. The dog is still not here but we're managing and it seems strangely a lot less important. Oh, and I'm still pregnant, God's got that under control, too.

As the old spiritual says,

Gonna lay down my burdens,

Down by the riverside,

Down by the riverside,

Down by the riverside,

Gonna lay down my burdens,

Down by the riverside,

Study war [worry], no more.

We pray and pray and pray and pray, then worry that we haven't prayed enough, when sometimes we just need to lay it down and just let God take over.

Come unto me, all who labor and are heavy laden,

And Iwill give you rest.

Matthew 11:28(ESV)

A journey . . . .

As I sit here typing this, it is 1:17am on Monday morning after Mother's Day. I'm doing things mothers do, laundry, etc. after returning from a weekend away to see my mother. This Mother's Day, I was amazed by God's goodness yet again.
In 2005, I went to see my mother, to show support and love. She had just been diagnosed with breast cancer. My brother and I (at her request) sang "Lord, I Need You" in church that morning. Of course, we were crying during that song. We could not at that time imagine how we, as a family, would deal with Mom's cancer. Mom was perfectly calm (at least to us); trusting that God had it under control. Since 2005, Mom has received treatments and is in remission from the cancer. God knew, however, that we needed His power and strength in our lives to live through the next five years. Just the March prior, I had experienced a miscarriage. Since then, I have lost or had to quit two jobs. My husband has lost two jobs. It has not all been bad. We've also celebrated two weddings (my sister and just Saturday, my brother), the birth of my son and my sister is now expecting. The song says " I need You when the sea of life is calm" and "I need You when the wind is blowing strong." We need to rely on Him at all times.
This Mother's Day (2010) I played in my parents' church " How Can I Fear".

"How can I fear, Jesus is near.

He ever watches over me.

Worries all cease, He gives me peace.

How can I fear, with Jesus"

(Ron Hamilton)

As I finished the song it dawned on me; I don't have to fear whatever the trial or joy that comes. I can rest in His care, knowing that He is there watching all the time. It is exciting to see God working in your life. It is even more exciting when you can look back on a span of time and see His hand working all along. God is good. How can I fear?

still counting it joy. . . . .

I started to begin this entry by saying this has been a rough year, but then I thought it through. Last March I posted a quote from "My God is Near" (Mac Lynch)

When God is near, all the world seems far away.

When God is near, every fear is set aside.

When God is near, how can I stray? How can I falter?

I'll stay upon the altar. I know my God is near.

I resolved to stay on the altar and learn God's lesson for me. I can honestly say that if I had this past year as a "do-over", I'd still go through the trials God planned for me. I have personally grown so much closer to God. When you are close to God, nothing else matters and it's relatively easy to "count it all joy".

Over the last month, God has provided us with an apartment and a new job for Dave. There are many opportunities still available for God to provide for us but I'm trusting Him to provide and to supply the joy for the journey.

God's Plan

"God has no problems, only plans." (Corrie ten Boom).Ihave problems. God has plans. At our house, we had a problem today - fleas! The solution was an exterminator and then I had another problem - 4 to 5 hours out of the house with the kids. Now, if you have money, there are numerous solutions to that problem but I had none. I finally decided to pack a picnic & head to the closest park. But then when I went to the kitchen we were out of bread! God had a plan. He provided money for lunch (at McDonald's - kids favorite!) & gas to drive to the better park. What I thought was a problem turned out to be a pleasant afternoon with my kids & extra time with Him. I was able to do my Bible study lesson while they played. It was so comforting to see that He is still concerned with my life and orchestrates my life for my good and His glory.
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11

Faith

Do you have faith? Could you/would you pray for something like money? I'm not talking about praying for a job to earn money. I'm talking about just praying for money-just because. Last Sunday the pastor's sermon was from Genesis 24. Abraham has sent his servant to get a wife for Isaac. The servant prays that God will grant him a certain scenario so he will know this is the right girl for Isaac. God answers his prayer while he is still praying. Later the servant says that while he was on the way God led him. I got to thinking about that. Would I pray for something specific like that and would God grant that request? The Bible says if we have faith like a grain of mustard, we can move mountains. I guess the US Postal Service can be my mountain. So I prayed. I was honest. I told God that I didn't have enough faith to pray for something big, but I wanted to pray for something small. Since my husband is self-employed in a new business, finances are extremely tight so I asked God to send some money in the mail on Monday to help pay some bills. This was Sunday afternoon so God would have had to answer this before I asked it. Monday afternoon when the mail ran there was a letter for me with money. I laughed out loud. God knew that I needed that little reassurance. He is still there and in control. He will supply my need and some wants,too. Truly, it was a situation of Him answering before I asked.

Be careful what you pray for????

I am a great "worrier." I can worry about anything - real or imagined. And sometimes, I worry about what might happen if A happens and B happens and C happens and because of A, B, and C then D happens. . . . . third and fourth generation worries! My grandfather reminded me recently that if that's what I do I would spend the rest of my life worrying! What a waste of life that would be!

Have you ever heard the saying "be careful what you wish for?" The implication is that sometimes you might wish for something that would have unforeseen consequences you might regret. I have even found myself worrying about how/what to pray for! For example, if I pray for this, will something else worse happen to allow my prayer to be answered or will I have to go through something terrible to get it answered.

Last Saturday God gave me an example that has comforted my heart. My daughter had two baseball games scheduled on Saturday morning. I had half-jokingly, half-seriously said I was praying for rain after the first game so that the second game would get rained out. I did pray that week for rain. The team played well in the first game and only lost by one run. As soon as the first game was over, it began to rain. My prayer was answered! Well, it was a quick shower and they started the second game. But, our team was warmed up and focused from the first game. So, they played exceptionally well in the second game and won!

I thought the best thing for them was a rain-out but God knew it was a win instead. He answered my prayer. It DID rain between games. He also did what was best, allowing them to keep playing and win the second game. I know this seems like a trivial thing but for me it was a "light bulb" moment. I CAN pray confidently - praying for specific requests and trusting God to answer in His wisdom. He will ALWAYS do what glorifies His name AND is for MY GOOD. He is in control, even of my prayers. I can leave my worries at the cross.